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Meatfree Monday in Kimball: Proof of Actual Demonic Activity on Campus - December 2018

posted Dec 17, 2018, 1:15 PM by RSO The Fenwick Review   [ updated Dec 17, 2018, 1:24 PM ]

by Jack Rosenwinkel ‘21

People don’t like to talk about demons. They think it’ll make them sound crazy, or worse, religious. And yet Holy Cross has some rather odd ties to the demonic. For one, there’s the rampant rumor that an exorcism happened on campus. This claim would seem absurd if it weren’t for the locked room in O’Kane that everyone calls “The Exorcism Room”, and the Jesuits’ historic ties to exorcisms. To thicken the plot, Dinand Archives set up a special Halloween display with a crucifix and a book in Latin—sure signs that something suspicious is afoot—while implying that there may or may not be a section of the archives devoted entirely to exorcisms. Spooky. Nonetheless, since no one seems willing to confirm or deny whether or not an exorcism actually took place, it all seems like a dead end. But now, for better or worse, students can divert their attention away from the Exorcism Room because there is new evidence of demonic activity on campus: Meatfree Monday in Kimball.

In response to a rather unsurprising U.N. statement warning the world about imminent environmental catastrophes, the Student Government Association (SGA) teamed up with Dining Services to try to help the environment by reducing meat consumption. The result was the decision to create Meatfree Monday; on Monday, October 29th, they removed all the meat from Kimball and served only vegetarian options. To give more weight to the whole thing, SGA also referenced Laudato Si, Pope Francis’ encyclical that warns about the dangers of climate change. (As a side note, I’m still waiting for SGA to send an email about the dangers of Pelagianism, which Pope Francis warns about extensively in his newest encyclical, Gaudete et Exultate.)

At the same time, it isn’t initially clear how not eating meat will prevent the world from lighting on fire. After all, signs in Kimball pointed out that animal waste was creating a serious environmental impact. But logically, it seems like the best way to get a cow to stop defecating is to eat the cow. Vegetarianism, on the other hand, would just mean that the cows would live longer, poop more, and make more cow babies, and as a result, the world would burn faster. Meatfree Monday, then, makes no sense. But is it going too far to call it demonic? Perhaps not.  

       Recognizing that real demonology was above my paygrade, I reached out to James Dooley, a junior at the College, who once took a class on demons. (In all honesty, James wasn’t my first choice, but since no exorcist would return my emails, he’ll have to do.) When asked whether demonic influence was involved in the Meatfree Monday incident, James nodded. “I’m really of the opinion that most carbs are a gateway to pure evil,” said Dooley. “Meatfree Monday just means more carbs.” James also pointed out rather astutely that salt is often used to scare demons away, and meat is often salty. “It really could just be a ploy to limit the amount of salt so more demons can get in,” James said, noting that with less salt and more demons, the school could be exposed to even more horror, like entire weeks of vegetarianism. Extra spooky. To James’s first point, Kimball’s vegetarian substitutes were a little odd, albeit sometimes delicious. One student, who commented anonymously, said, “Meatfree Monday? More like Cheese Monday?” The student noted that almost all the meat was replaced by dairy products, like grilled cheese, cheese quesadillas, and cheese lasagna. Given the high percentage of adults who cannot process dairy, this seems problematic, both for students and for the maintenance people who clean bathrooms on campus.

Seth Sullivan, a sophomore, also thought that demons were somehow involved. “I’m not entirely sure how,” he said, pointing out that he was actually an atheist. “But hey, you don’t have to believe in God to know when something really messed up is going on. I think demons may be a logical explanation.”  

That makes me uneasy. Now, once again, it may not be air-tight proof that actual demons are lurking in Kimball, but if even an atheist can recognize that the devil is involved… that isn’t good. Looking for more evidence, I turned to God. It makes sense: if God is somehow supportive of Meatfree Monday, then it can’t be demonic. Now, it was hard to find a definite statement for God. At least Biblically, God was pro-meat. St. Paul told the Romans that, “One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables” (Romans 14:2). That’s not looking so hot for Meatfree Monday. But if that wasn’t enough, I started to think logically. God gave us opposable thumbs (which are somehow part of hunting). He also gave us teeth, and He made bacon delicious. Now I’m not a math major, but this seems simple: thumbs + teeth + delicious bacon = God wants us to eat meat. In fact, one could go so far as to say that not eating meat is a form of ingratitude, since we are not using the meat-eating skills God gave us. And since St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuits, considered ingratitude the root of all sin, vegetarianism could properly be viewed as a gateway sin. “First you’re not eating meat,” said a Jesuit who asked to remain anonymous. “Next thing you know, you’re blowing up orphanages.”

Definitely demonic.

All of this points to something super spooky. Hopefully, administration will take the right steps, contact the proper authorities, and end this nonsense once and for all.

 

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